


it is not as if...

by ninanna



Category: Free!
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-16 01:04:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2250069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninanna/pseuds/ninanna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is not as if Matsuoka Rin has developed a continuously expanding crush over the guy with the most beautifully dark teal eyes and awesome lats. It is not as if he is going to the local gym every Wednesday instead of his school's only to spend some quality not-together time with said stranger. It is not as if he is in a habit of denying his feelings on the outside and maybe even inside his heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it is not as if...

**Author's Note:**

> While I don't trust my skills for humour at all, I had to write something fluffy and humorous for Sousuke and Rin after episode 10 because I am drowning in pain and agony. So this oneshot is the result of that. I hope I did not screw up the characterisations because this is actually my first time writing for Free! and I kind of adore Rin and Sousuke. 
> 
> Also, this is for Sav the dearest who never complains as I clumsily gush my Free! feelings to her and since Sousuke is her special baby.
> 
> Any and all comments are eagerly and eternally appreciated :)

It is not as if Rin is hyper-aware of the dark and brooding gentleman who always runs the treadmill right next to him at the gym. It is not as if, without any words, they naturally slip into a race of sorts, each increasing the speed further and further until one of them falls behind in obvious loss (and it is not as if the said person always ends up being Rin). It is not as if Rin is seriously checking out a complete stranger’s well developed muscular structure, because surely that is something Gou would do instead and Rin’s interest in muscles is only limited to his own and comes from a very specific need of them for his swimming. It is not as if Rin is actually gay, because sure he may have had a little bit or perhaps a little more than a little bit of a crush for his best friend in the last year of elementary school, _but hey_ , what you feel before puberty does _not_ count and it was totally platonic anyway, and honestly he has not had any time since then to actually worry about trifling matters such as sexuality or love because he has always had more important concerns like swimming and taking care of the only family he has left, his sister.

 

“Obviously I’m not interested in him.”

 

“You talk about him every time we meet on Wednesdays.”

Haruka’s voice is deadpan and Rin wonders what was it that specifically attracted him once to the ever so stoic Haruka, when they were quite young. _The amazingly beautiful swimming style and the perfectly proportioned face, of course_. _Kids are indeed shallow._

“It is because I come here straight out of the gym on Wednesdays and as I said we somehow get into this race of sorts so I just blabber, that’s all.”

Haruka raises an eyebrow in obvious suspicion and Rin is about to explode; because, honestly, he has never been good with interrogations of his feelings. Thus, even now at 20 years of age, when faced with such emotional confrontation he almost always reverts to his angst-ridden teenage self. Luckily, Makoto cuts with his ever so soft and caring voice before Rin blows his top,

“You know, it is all right if you like him.”

Scratch that – sure, Makoto’s voice is soft and caring and certainly he means well, like always, but he can be as irritating as Haruka at times. _Like now._

“I said: _it is not like that_.”

“ _Of course_ , if you say so.”

When Makoto gives that motherly smile, his eyes exuding pure affection and acceptance, it is extremely difficult to actually yell at him (also because of the fact that he will back off like a frightened little kitten despite his size and this makes the whole affair very distasteful and the aggressor a true villain, which Rin really is not). So Rin simply huffs and scowls a little. Perhaps a little more than a little. Haruka sighs at the end,

“I will go bring a sample for the new chocolate mousse cake I’m planning to pitch to the owner… Taste and tell me what you think. It is made with 70% dark chocolate.”

There is not even a hint of change in his voice, in fact it is devoid of emotion just as before, but the giggle that Makoto tries to suppress and the soft gaze that laces Haruka’s perfectly blue eyes as he stands up and starts towards the kitchen is proof enough of his friend’s peculiar kind of care. So Rin lays his face on the table they are sitting at and lets a small smile escape his lips.

 

* * *

 

It is not as if he thought once or twice how it would actually turn out if the raven haired stranger at the gym ever talked with him. It is not as if he came up with various scenarios and imagined the kinds of developments each scenario would lead to. It is not as if he wondered and pondered about what kind of a voice, what shade of a tone such a mysterious and clearly misanthropic person would possess.

It is not as if he completely freezes when the said person actually speaks to him.

_Actually. Speaks. To. Him._

Rin blinks twice before he registers and fully confirms that _yes_ , right after he has lost (yet again) their little race on the treadmill; his neighbour actually spoke to him. The stranger clears his throat and speaks again,

“Your exhale is too slow and breathing tempo a little erratic for steady running… That’s why you fall short after some time.”

Rin’s breathing is definitely not erratic in any way, _hell_ , he is a swimmer after all, if anything his breathing is well trained. He is about to make this point as the stranger calmly mentions, not even bothering to look at Rin now but busy with rubbing the sweat of his ridiculously handsome face,

“You are a swimmer, aren’t you?”

Rin is honestly dumbfounded at the query, or rather the statement as it very poorly resembles a question given the certain tone it is said with – but how could a total stranger know this? The surprise is more prominent than his previous irritation or any possible suspicion of the stranger being a stalker such that he simply mumbles,

“How…?”

 

_Damn_. He realises after the word is uttered because _hell_ , that is not even a proper question. _Way to make an image Rin_ , he thinks to himself but then hey, it is not as if he needs to make a good image to a total stranger who was being—

His thought process is completely jumbled up as the stranger smiles, a genuine smile accompanied by a joyed huff that is kind of like a chuckle but not really a chuckle, still totally a sign of amusement and he actually looks cute.

_Okay_ , he surely did not find an obviously over-180 centimetres dude with very well developed lats “cute”. Maybe he did. A little. Only because it was incredibly odd for the always-ruminating stranger to actually smile. _Only because of that_.

“Well,” his unknown rival starts, “you have good front delts and you often do tricep extensions? Some front squats too. Your breathing is also similar to a swimmer’s than a runner’s. The long exhales.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Somehow the softly spoken single syllable captures the interest of the stranger and he glances to Rin and smiles, again. _Wow_ , because Rin has been seeing this guy around repeatedly for over a whole month and up till now he had not smiled once. Yes, not even once. Not even when that pretty petite blonde coach was in, wearing that adorable tank top with a kitten picture on it; everyone had smiled like dumb teenagers that day, but not this guy, no, not Mr. Forever Ruminating Absolute Grump. Yet here he is smiling gracefully like an actually overjoyed however reserved maiden at Rin’s awkward attempts at social interaction.

“Butterfly is my specialty but I swim freestyle—“ Rin pauses for a second because for some reason the usual way he ends that statement (“like a badass shark”) sounds rather silly and suddenly he is inexplicably self-conscious, perhaps because the other seems to have better strength than him, so he ends rather sloppily with “ahem, um very well. Really well.”

The small smile on the thin lips of the stranger fade away as naturally as it came but his eyes are still tenderly staring, obviously interested and entertained,

“I swim butterfly and free too.”

“Damn. I knew it. Those goddamn great lats.”

The thick eyebrows slightly move up in a mix of bemusement and amusement and Rin feels like just hitting his head to a wall for his subconscious outburst but then the nearest wall is relatively far so perhaps the ground opening and swallowing him up in whole would be a better demise. _Fuck Freudian slips_. _Or is this not what they call a Freudian slip?_ Maybe he has been spending too much time with Gou these days. Or perhaps it is because he has been trying to develop his lats much unsuccessfully over the last three months. Three whole months and _nada_. He has been truly frustrated and honestly rather agitated over this particular failure.

“Thanks. I see you doing chin-ups a lot, is that to work up your lats?”

Rin nods absentmindedly in response, how nice for the stranger to take the comment that way. But then which other way he should have considering that they are in fact at a gym? And Rin is male and the stranger is male and Rin is not gay. Not fully gay. Maybe bi. Yeah, he could be bi, technically. He liked a boy once and he has gone out with a girl once so yeah, why not?

_Oh Lord, what am I thinking…_

 

“Chin-ups and pullovers are good, but bent dumbbell rows and cable pulldowns are too. Diversify your lats training. You have the potential but if you rush or overdo only a certain type of exercise, it won’t help but only screw you up. Badly too so stop doing that.”

That is a very straightforward answer that probably nobody could give him. In fact, the only other person he knows who would talk this bluntly is Haruka but his is a lot different, more nonchalant and remote (despite being actually very sensitive and caring in his own way) and all in all, Haruka would never talk about muscle training anyway.

“Thanks. That sounds like some good advice.”

“That’s because it is. As you said, I kind of have goddamn great lats.”

As he says the last words he shrugs almost playfully and Rin considers if he is actually daydreaming or something, because talk about appearance not matching personality, or perhaps appearance matching personality but personality having more dimensions than what is initially perceived? In any case, he actually kind of likes this attitude he is being given. He snorts loudly then is a little surprised at the hand offered to him,

“Sousuke. Sousuke Yamazaki, by the way.”

The stranger, or rather Sousuke now that he knows the name, smiles so Rin cannot help but smile back, actually grin all toothy with his peculiar shark-y wonder as he takes the hand and gives it a comfortable shake,

“Matsuoka Rin, you can call me Rin.”

Sousuke raises a single brow to the name and a content smile,

“That’s —“

“Girly, I know!” Rin exclaims not letting the other finish and starts on his oft-told story of “You know when I was a kid, I always felt the need to add that ‘but I’m a boy’ after I said my name because God, kids are stupid and…“

Sousuke swallows the untold ending to his own sentence and contentedly listens to Rin blabber on as they start walking side by side to the lockers.

 

* * *

 

It is not as if he specifically wanted to go swimsuit shopping with Sousuke. It is not as if he purposely opened the subject after lats training together, in which Sousuke so kindly helped him adjust his pose for bent dumbbell rows. It is not as if he is particularly gleeful strolling around the sportswear shop simply because Sousuke is with him.

It is always so peaceful with Sousuke, not boring but peaceful. It is comfortable and fulfilling, whenever they are together, and most importantly it is natural. It is as if they have always been friends; often they even have the same preferences and likings, whether it is food or colours or random things like “would you sleep at top or bottom if you slept in a bunk?”

It is fun mostly but then it causes them to fight over the silliest things but fighting over the silliest things is also fun and never serious anyway. Unlike his initial image of him, Sousuke can actually be quite cheerful and cheeky, a rather tactile person too (just like Rin himself), they jokingly punch each other half the time they are together, Rin likes to swing soft, joking kicks to Sousuke’s ankles or shins, Sousuke often just laughs in response. Yes, Sousuke laughs. There are times when Rin arrives later than usual to the gym and Sousuke is already there, he observes the other for a bit and realises indeed it is easy to think Sousuke as a cold, reserved kind of person. He is tall, dark, and well rather brooding indeed. But the same man can smile sheepishly over a stupid joke or laugh wholeheartedly at Rin’s clumsiness. It is a little bewildering when it happens and perhaps, just perhaps, Rin’s heart skips a beat or two, _but it must be something else_ , Rin thinks. Because, it would be just too irrational and unnecessary to start considering feelings and love and whatnot when he has successfully avoided such topics throughout his puberty.

“You know…” Rin mumbles thoughtfully later in the day as they are having lunch, having already bought the swimsuits and other equipment they wanted, “I’ve been thinking, you talk big and you are very knowledgeable but I’ve never actually seen you swim.”

 

Sousuke does not comment, continuing to chew on his food silently. This only works to pique Rin’s curiosity further.

 

“I mean, you talk big,” the syllables are emphasised to elicit a reaction, the result is a big nothing so Rin presses on, “but you weren’t there in the last year’s regionals… And you are a second year in uni like me, so…”

 

There is a flash of something in Sousuke’s eyes. The turquoise pools that are almost always so clear cloud a little; it is akin to disappointment and catches Rin off guard. Was it a taboo subject? He shouldn’t have brought it up? He is about to backtrack when Sousuke gives a sigh – of exasperation? Of dread? Of boredom? Of frustration? Rin cannot analyse in his current state and is actually rather bothered.

 

The last thing he imagines happens then. Sousuke smiles. Not because he cannot imagine Sousuke to smile at him any longer (he most definitely can, because he is smiled upon quite frequently). It is the fact that Sousuke smiles despite the disappointment that spilt over his eyes and contorted his face in pain just seconds ago. It is the fact that it is not a happy smile but an unabashedly sad one and there is no gleaming cheer, only some dreary mix of yearning and loss in his eyes.

“I was injured.”

 

It feels as though simultaneously both a bucket of ice cold water has been poured over his hand and he has been set on fire. Because, Rin understands the gravity of that simple statement. For an athlete, it is the worst. It is worse than losing. It is more unbearable than even forfeit. It is more shameful (even if unrightfully so) than disqualification. For it is often a sign of one not truly understanding their own capacity and capability. For it is not even being in the competition to begin with. For it is being out of the competition in the first place, never having a chance, solely due to your own self’s foolishness and perhaps Fates whom you can never predict or control and thus never truly blame. For it induces all sorts of self-doubt and poisonous self-blame.

For Sousuke looks so good ( _in ways more than one, damn it_ ) and shows such great endurance and strength at the gym, Rin has never suspected anything wrong with his body or health. Sure, he had that odd habit of stretching his shoulder frequently but…

_But?_

 

“Was it… your shoulder?”

 

The sad little excuse of a smile on Sousuke’s thin lips deepen at the inquiry, he nods silently, thoughtfully, then murmurs, almost to himself than to Rin,

“Pushed myself too hard…”

 

What is he supposed to say? “Happens to the best of us”? “You couldn’t know”? “You were young”? A myriad of excuses or hoped-to-be-motivational statements flicker across his mind but he deems all unworthy and inadequate. He is truly at a loss for words because he cannot even imagine how terribly traumatised he would be if he had to endure injury. Once, intermittency of his own fledgling talent had caused him depression and flared his anger management issues, leading him to even distance himself from the dear friends and the sport he adored.

_What if…_

“What if”s flood his consciousness and even imagining is so painful and despairing that it must show on his face. It is perhaps this – this heartfelt sadness, true sympathy, intimate empathy that Sousuke’s features visibly relax and he leans in a little, their faces now only a hand apart. Sousuke whispers, gently whispers like a treasured secret,

“I’m fine now. But I had to take the whole last year off competitions and any serious swimming.”

Rin is vaguely aware how his lips slip apart into a gape of joyful surprise and his eyes must have glittered with cheer at the news (since indeed he thought of the worst for a second there) because then Sousuke leans in just a little more and smirks. He fucking smirks and it is lopsided and unexpectedly bratty and thus Rin cannot help but snort, loudly too. This earns him a chuckle and Sousuke’s face moves a little to the side, calmly glancing at Rin’s evidently amused face,

“You know…” he starts, his smirk claims more of his lips, “You won’t be smiling about it by the end this year’s regionals.”

For a second Rin’s eyes widen in realisation of what is being implied then he bursts into genuine laughter, leaning more himself too to the point that their faces are kind of too close (a little more and they could kiss and _wow_ , _no_ , he did not just think that), he clears his throat awkwardly and reaches out with one hand, mock-punching Sousuke’s head on the side,

“You’re an ass. And I’ll own you. You’ll see.”

“Yeah, _sure_ you will. I’ll see. Indeed.”

“You know you talk big for a guy who always loses even in jan-ken-pon.”

“Okay, I have no idea how you established a relationship between swimming and jan-ken-pon.”

“All I’m sayin’ is: you’re a chronic loser.”

“You’re only saying that because you’ve not seen me in the pool yet…”

“Oh I’d love to see you in a pool alright.”

That… doesn’t come out quite as he expected and when Sousuke only smirks in response, Rin is rather scandalised but trying to ‘explain’ it would only ensure his demise, so he decides not to.

It is not as if he changes the subject then because he is actually flustered and a little lost on just why he loses his composure so easily around Sousuke. It is not as if he is feeling especially elated at the possibility of competing with Sousuke. It is not as if his heart beats a tadbit faster when Sousuke does not lean back again and instead maintains their random physical proximity.

It is not as if he is staring into Sousuke’s eyes now and then and his hands sweat more than usual and his stomach somersaults in excitement whenever Sousuke chuckles… Surely not.


End file.
